Crying

I was sooo weepy when I was pregnant. The slightest thing could send me into tears. The worst part was the entire time I was crying, I knew that I was being completely illogical, and frightening my husband a little.

Then for a little bit of time, the first 2-3 weeks after having the baby, I was even worse. I would just look at Constantine and bawl my eyes out. I would just see him and think:

"You are worth this extra 50 lbs. You are worth the swollen feet and legs. You are worth the heartburn. You are worth only being able to sleep on my right side for 7 months. You are worth the most terrible labor I've ever experienced. You are worth getting no sleep. You are so beautiful and I love you so much. Please don't ever let anything happen to you, I couldn't bear it."

This morning I had a little cry on the way home from taking Nick to work. For some reason, I just had this overwhelming feeling of missing my brothers, who are scattered all over North America. Each of them for different reasons, but I miss them all. And I started thinking about how I've been missing out on watching Brian's girls grow up. And how Joey has missed out on watching Collin and Cassie grow up. And how everyone (except John) is gone and missing out on Constantine's first years, and how I wish that they were all here to help shape his little life with the many unique qualities that they have to offer.