To make you unhappy, that is. I'm working off of
Mary's latest blog entry.
Let me share...
Background information first:
I am divorced from my first husband. We have not been together for 10 years. In the past 10 years, I have been exceedingly generous with the amount of visitation that I have given to his MOTHER. She has been seeing the children once a week and on holidays and special occasions for as long as I can remember. Much to the protest of my children, I have been forcing them to keep this up for the past two years. The older they get, the less time they want to spend with grandma, the more time with their friends.
Not only because of the friend thing has Cassie been protesting, but for about the past year, their grandma has been routinely picking on her hair, clothes, and choice of friends.
My advice to Cassie has been to "just ignore" her comments. She is an ignorant woman, and she isn't able to comprehend that she is being rude or mean....let it go, she's your grandma.
Well, two weeks ago, my dad made arrangements for Cassie and her friend Allison, who is attached to her hip, to go take their Hunter's Safety Course. Then the children's grandma called a few days later, saying that she wanted the children for the same weekend. Cassie very politely told her that she was sorry, but she had already made plans. She told her twice on the phone.
Then the next day during an evening visit with their grandma, Cassie told her again....then she got sick of telling her, and just started ignoring her, because she was getting irritated that she kept having to explain herself over and over. This prompted their grandmother to come in my house when she came back with the children, and proceed to tell my husband that Cassie was rude and disrespectful to her during the visit.
So now:
1: Cassie is upset by Grandma Bonnie.
2: Collin is angry because Cassie is upset.
3. Nick is angry/upset by Bonnie's info.
4. I am in-turn upset by the info given to Nick
What do I do? Well, I have to go to Cassie and get her side of it. Little sweet Cassie, through tears tells me how her grandmother, on the car ride home, told her that she didn't know why she was spending so much time with her grandpa (my father) because when she was little,
he didn't want her around. That in-fact, her grandma (my step-mother) had come into her work and told her that
she hated having to have the kids over for an entire week every summer. Then she told her that it's a shame that she only has one friend, and can't make any more, because Allison's mom (Stacey) probably doesn't want her around so much, because
there was a time that she didn't want her there at all. She told her that
SHE was the only person in her little life that always wanted to have her. Those of you who know me are probably thinking that at this point, I went to her house and punched her directly in the face while calling her a slew of names.That was my first instinct. But then I thought about it. Their grandpa just had a heart attack, and I didn't want to upset him. After all, I kinda like the guy. I let it go.
Two days later I get a message on my voice mail from their grandmother saying that she will be picking them up at 10:30 the next morning. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What is she, dense? Did she think that she had successfully bullied Cassie into breaking her plans with my father, to go with HER? I couldn't sleep that night. I didn't know what I was going to do. If she showed up at my door, or I called her, I couldn't be held responsible for what I did to her. I wanted to punch her DIRECTLY IN HER FACE for hurting my little girl.
Okay, so I didn't
really let it go...I was just avoiding it.
SO, 3 am, Saturday morning, I went downstairs to write a letter to put on my door for when she came. There was the first version, saying all the things that I really wanted to say. And the final version, which very diplomatically stated that I could no longer deal with her directly because I was so upset by her ill treatment of the children at the last visit, and that I was going to inform their father of the events as they occurred, and she would have to make arrangements with him from now on to see the children.
WOW, did I ever feel better after writing that. And so did the kids when I told them. There was a general feeling of relief in the house.
I spoke with their father a few days later, after having exchanged emails, he felt the conversation warranted a phone call. He had already spoken with his mom, and told her to just give it a cooling off period. Of course, she completely denied any wrong doing.
"Oh, well" I thought, "At least this is over for a while."
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG! Apparently, I am still in the land of high school.
I came home from taking Nick to work on Thursday morning to find a three page typed letter taped to the front door of my house.
I'll just sum it up---She is a wonderful grandmother who has never done anything wrong. Who has, in fact, raised my children along with my mother---I have not raised them! She stated that I am a drug addict, a whore, and a terrible, neglectful mother who routinely treats her children poorly. And I am a pathetic loser, because the only friend I can get is my ex-husband's ex-girlfriend. OH, and I am fat, my husband will leave me if I get any fatter, and the only reason I had my baby was to hold onto my husband.
Alright, show of hands, who thinks I punched her in her face now?
Really, what is the proper reaction to that kind of slanderous lying?
This is what I did:
1. Email to ex stating that his mother wrote terrible letter, and I would be mailing him a copy, so that he has a full understanding as to why his mother will no longer have visits with my children unless it is under his supervision.
2. Told the children it will be a very long time before they see their grandma. (This was followed by a collective sigh of relief, immediate followed by cheering)
3. Called my mother to have her withdraw her invitation to John's graduation party.
4. Call to friend to vent.
No, I didn't punch her in the face.
I still really want to. This blog entry should explain
why I only have one friend. I have my family. (this includes my brother's wives, girlfriends and fiances) After that, one other human being to communicate with is quite enough. People are generally stupid and annoying. I would make a happy hermit.
